You know the change in perspective time passing brings? Like, if I think back to our first year with Margo I think about how stupidly happy I was. Sure, there were ups and downs, but when I think of it, I think of my squishy baby falling asleep in the car on the way to the store and waking up with crazy wiry hair and swinging in the park… I also think about her spitting up all the time and having to make trips to her room at night to shover her paci in her mouth but in hindsight, that’s not really all that bad.
The second year, I’ll just be honest, wasn’t as wonderful. When I think about it, I feel stress. I was finishing up my grad work and trying to write and job search and Margo was high maintenence. I remember inner-struggle – wanting to work but not having a job, and having TONS to do around the house and with my kid and constantly feeling like I wasn’t giving her enough. Oh, and her naps were way too short. I wasn’t UNhappy, but it wasn’t the blissful happiness I’d hoped for, or been promised from Pampers commercials or whatever.
This year, in my mind, it feels like we’ve hit our stride. Margo is growing and changing and sort of falling in with the family. Things just feel… comfortable. I’m happy in my job, having work/life balance, having me-time, running. Whatever discord there was last year, it’s as if there was a shift and the pieces just fell into place this year.
It’s funny, I feel like I can look back and when I’ve been unhappy (or generally not in love with my situation or stuck somewhere), I know it as it’s happening. Happiness is sneaky though; it takes more work to determine that I’m happy. I’m not constantly happy, of course. Stuff still bugs me and brings me down, but it’s a game of averages. I think right now, these days… I’m happy.
Anyway, I hope I look back and smile.