I hope I look back and smile.

You know the change in perspective time passing brings? Like, if I think back to our first year with Margo I think about how stupidly happy I was. Sure, there were ups and downs, but when I think of it, I think of my squishy baby falling asleep in the car on the way to the store and waking up with crazy wiry hair and swinging in the park… I also think about her spitting up all the time and having to make trips to her room at night to shover her paci in her mouth but in hindsight, that’s not really all that bad.

 

The second year, I’ll just be honest, wasn’t as wonderful. When I think about it, I feel stress. I was finishing up my grad work and trying to write and job search and Margo was high maintenence. I remember inner-struggle – wanting to work but not having a job, and having TONS to do around the house and with my kid and constantly feeling like I wasn’t giving her enough. Oh, and her naps were way too short. I wasn’t UNhappy, but it wasn’t the blissful happiness I’d hoped for, or been promised from Pampers commercials or whatever.

This year, in my mind, it feels like we’ve hit our stride. Margo is growing and changing and sort of falling in with the family. Things just feel… comfortable. I’m happy in my job, having work/life balance, having me-time, running. Whatever discord there was last year, it’s as if there was a shift and the pieces just fell into place this year.

It’s funny, I feel like I can look back and when I’ve been unhappy (or generally not in love with my situation or stuck somewhere), I know it as it’s happening. Happiness is sneaky though; it takes more work to determine that I’m happy. I’m not constantly happy, of course. Stuff still bugs me and brings me down, but it’s a game of averages. I think right now, these days… I’m happy.

Anyway, I hope I look back and smile.

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12 thoughts on “I hope I look back and smile.

  1. Another great post! I’m on month 20 right now and we just love her to pieces. We have been comfortable from really day 1 but we are waiting. I know the toddler devil is lurking but I keep pushing him back in the closet.

    • Thanks, Amber!

      Re: Toddler devil… I know everyone likes to talk about how horrible 2 and 3 are, and while I’m sure that every kid will offer plenty of limit pushing and challenges and tantrums, I firmly believe that every kid is different. People also told me that infants were hard, and Margo was easy. I’m not expecting a smooth ride, but I just want to enjoy her now. We’ll handle whatever she dishes out as it comes, just like we always have.

      • This is where we are too. Almost 0% of the stuff we were told would happen with newborn L happened. The newborn stage was honestly a piece of cake. I loved it!

        I just love this post and your follow up comments so much I could hug
        them. It is so refreshing to see posts where a parent is actually brave
        enough to say you know what this parenting gig is actually pretty fun most of the time. LOVE!

      • Thanks so much, Amber! Yeah, like I said, it’s not perfect or fantastical ALL the time, but it’s overall pretty great. I am happy for you that things are going well w/ L, and hope it continues forever!

  2. I’m in the middle of the second year blues! 1-2 is tough – definitely much more demanding. I felt this way both times. We hit our stride in the 2-3 year the first time too…so if I can hold myself together till the fall, maybe I’ll be good to go!!

    (Age 4 is also turning out to be a kind of a needy year compared to 2 and 3, so I’m definitely feeling the frazzle!)

    • It IS a needy year, not a lot of communication yet. And a desire for independence but no ability for it. And it takes a lot of hands-on parenting, which is I think where I got so stressed last year, sort of missing the baby that just laid on the floor that I might have actually been able to do some work AND watch her…

      At least you know it gets better soon?

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